The Worst Movie Ever: GI JOE: RETALIATION

04/22/2013 10:22




This weekend, my husband and I went to see the new GI JOE movie.  I have to admit, it was my idea.  Come on, Channing Tatum AND The Rock?  I was expecting some flexing, pec-popping, and general shirtless-ness out of two of my favorite actors.  But NOOOOOO.  The only shirt-taking-off was some scrawny guy and some girl.  SERIOUSLY?  You paid The Rock and Channing Tatum to be in your movie, and you didn't even let them do what they do best?!?  And what's worse, Channing Tatum was barely even in the movie, in fact he DIES about 30 minutes in!  WHAT THE?  In my opinion, if he's on the movie poster (see above), then he needs to at least make it to the 90 minute mark.  Oh, wait.  The entire movie barely made it to the 90 minute mark, but after sitting through it, I was incredibly thankful.


The acting was mediocre, at best, even though I'm sure they had to shell out some serious cash for Bruce Willis, who looked bored during most of his scenes.  And don't even get me started on the dialogue!  The lines for Zartan/The President were by far the worst.  The screenwriters just non-sensically strung random cliched lines together, and although the poor actor did a good job delivering his lines, the words still made absolutly no sense!  


On the bright side, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  It was so bad, that's about all you could do.  I don't know if it was intentional or not, but you could count on a "that's what she said"-inducing comment about every five minutes.  The dialogue that was supposed to be funny, wasn't (with the exception of a couple of scenes between Channing Tatum and The Rock that I'm sure were ad-libbed, because they were actually funny and sounded nothing like the lines in the rest of the movie), and the dialogue that was supposed to be serious was hysterical.


Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that after he saw how fast the film was going down the toilet, Channing Tatum ASKED to be killed off.